you have friends and you know it

6.30.10

summer thoughts:

i appreciate the general acceptability of wearing crop tops and booty shorts as of late. it's hot, people. as i have no cleavage to speak of, bra tops really aren't that scandalous and i'm so ready to air out the midriff after months of hunching over to ward away the cold.

speaking of midriffs, i've come to realize the line between good taste and bad taste is extremely thin. i'm sure many would think i've crossed the line; this may be true, but my level of caring about that opinion also decreases with the rising mercury.

resolutions for the coming months:

more beach time. the single visit last summer, though appreciated, was hardly enough to satiate my surf appetite. i've been twice so far and plan on making that a regular occurrence. let's synch our schedules! i've got a weird work week, so it's tough, but i'm down to shuffle shifts.

less sleeping. this is a tough one, but i'm sick of wasting mornings pressing snooze. i'm awesome at sustaining five hours a night, but with no early morning commitments my self control goes way down. let's make morning plans- i'll break out the helicopter alarm again and force my sunburned ass outta bed.

basically, i want the most out of summer. give it to me hard and fast babygirl.

snack attack

cruisin' for a bruisin'

5/10/10

is it spring or fall? the crisp air and excitement of new endeavors feel so like the first day of school.

my first day of school was in 2002; i was fifteen. i went to t.j.maxx with my mother, bought the requisite outfits for full social success: jeans with too much spandex and whisker washing, double zip cable sweaters, and cap sleeved baby tees. despite the wardrobe overhaul (complete with new payless clogs), the friend requests did not come pouring in. i blame it on the sleeveless turtleneck, an abominably frumpy and unnecessary creation, which made its way into my weekly outfit routine in various colors and weights. its origin in my closet is unclear, but i rode that look to death for my first year of school. the turtleneck in general was a staple of my look; my sophomore school picture is of me in a thick green turtleneck sweater, my favorite, because it "brought out my eyes". unfortunately, it also brought out my ears which feature prominently on either side of my gangly spectacled face. hair up was a bad choice.

that first day, experienced by my peers ten years earlier, was not as strange as you might think. i had been taking classes at lebanon high school for the previous year, and at the junior high the year before that. i'd ride my bike in mid-day, after doing some biology lab involving creek water sampling, and sing in both the regular chorus and the audition-only chorus, "superlatives". my friends were either in the music program or were people i had met through teen community theater; sometimes, i'd sit in on a math class with them to kill some time and would revel in the novelty ideas of homework and pop quizzes. i became somewhat known as "that homeschooled girl", which didn't make me cool but did put me on the radar so i didn't vanish into obscurity. if i'd gone to public school from the start, like everyone else, by high school i would have been written off as a nerd, weirdo, music geek, or worse, overlooked completely.

so, because of my previous part-time status, my first day basically felt like any other. i had to wake up a little early, and my father took a picture of me in the kitchen before i left, but i walked familiar halls once i arrived. i set up a mirror and magnetic pen holder in my locker, which i shared with a stranger because of my delayed enrollment, took out my brand new five-star notebook, and finally entered the world of 50 minute class periods and required study halls.

it may not have been the best decision for my educational development; i was put in a mid-difficulty string of classes for the first year and spent a lot of time doing busywork, learning the bare minimum. my problem in the transition was that for the past year i had been teaching myself directly from textbooks; my mother, also teaching four other children, would give me weekly assignments, only checking to make sure they were completed. this system,"this week, read chapters 14-28, do five chapters of math problems, and complete five science labs/tests", meant that procrastination was completely viable as long as everything was done by friday. believe me, i took advantage of that. i had a college student's schedule: sleep in, do nothing all day, then cram in the work till two at night. i have no idea why this was allowed to continue for so long. as a result, at the end of my ninth grade year and the following summer, when i decided to go to public school, i still had half of my math book left to complete and about twenty labs and reports to do. i tried to cram it in but didn't finish and as a punishment my mother gave me a failing grade in biology. i mean, i deserved it, but i still think she should have let it slide. that "f" coupled with a poor grade in algebra convinced my guidance counselor that i was second-rate and started me on level 2 classes. if only i could have written an admissions essay instead; my reading comprehension, writing, grammar, and spelling were far beyond my grade level.

regardless of flaws in the public educational system and in my self-control, the decision to stop homeschooling has resulted in a then-unexpected path of art school and philadelphia living that probably would never have come about otherwise. it's a bit much, now, to project such importance on that day, but i like that my fifteen year old self was so clueless about what she was getting into, so wrapped up in the moment like all other teenagers.

this is making me want to read my old diaries; maybe that will be my next post.

solitary sneaker

i wish i knew

found in old notebook.

breeze

warming ground causes slush to seep through soles

bareheaded waves, finally free

fingers no longer cadaver stiff

a tease, premature, but welcomed.

nye

i just slept ALL day. nye was great.

i'm excited for 2010- i have lots of plans. i'm not big on resolutions but like the concept of a new year bringing new projects, new habits, and new ideas. it's going to be good.

christmas eve

pause. in midtown holiday traffic.

oh noel

Here's a very (very, very) recent Christmas love song by Crocodiles and Dum Dum Girls- enjoy!



Crocodiles & Dum Dum Girls: Merry Christmas, Baby (Please Don't Die) [mp3]

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! I'm on my way to NYC and may have some downtime for posting and writing, but if not- treasure those around you at this time of year, especially this year, as I know it's been hard for many.

Love to all-

Dovè

whiteout

my brain,

scattered with specks of thought,

which combined may just make something useful

or meaningful;

i don't know how to connect the dots.

chute

beautiful moments in connecticut

courtesy of ben bryant and alyssa robb

thanks

wants:

soy nog, or cabin cider, by the fireplace

a feather in my hair:

(feather circus)

navajo/plaid buttoned all the way up, or this guy's diy blanket coat:

Tay from Stylelikeu.com from Stylelikeu on Vimeo.

but this isn't about what i want! this is about contentment and appreciation.

i'm thankful for my wonderful friends, especially those around me that have supported and encouraged me so much the last few months. the acceptance, love, and inspiration i receive from all of you is amazing.

i'm thankful for the members of my family, though far away, that keep me in their thoughts and are always willing to listen.

i'm thankful for constant reminders of beauty in this world, despite the negatives, and for new opportunities and projects that keep me mentally and creatively afloat.

i'm thankful for passion, for faith, for determination... humanity is surprisingly resilient.

i know this blog is supremely self indulgent and i doubt many read it, but i enjoy this collection of images and sounds, so thank you to my readers: i would do this only for myself but i appreciate the idea of an audience. please feel free to comment/respond in any way!

a happy thanksgiving to all. eat a tofurkey!

i like to ride my...

Hey Philly bike kids:
In case you've somehow missed the news, the city council is cracking down on unsafe riding habits, i.e. riding the wrong way on one way streets, riding on the sidewalk, riding without brakes, and wearing headphones. Check out the situation here and here.

WHAT? SO LUDICROUS.

Of all ways to increase revenue for the city, fining bicyclists $300 for wearing headphones while riding hardly seems fair.

It's going to be interesting to see how this no brake issue affects our loyal fixie fanatics...

Go to bikePHL for updates- they said yesterday that today police are going to be patrolling specifically for bike violations and will actually be writing fines. Good luck out there and ride safe.

seascapes

last night in.

i've had so much self control!

revitalization

Not much has been inspiring me lately, and I put the blame on my surroundings rather than myself. I'm realizing that I'm the only one who can change that- I have to take responsibility for that push and not wait for it to come to me; after all, creation always inspires further creation. The research and study of a concept, materials, and techniques often takes on a life of its own, changing the project or pushing it further. That gets me so excited. I was trying to remember and call back my mindset a year ago in school; I've never been so involved and dedicated to anything in my life. It was exhausting, the way it took over my mind and my life, but I felt so passionate I didn't care. That passion is missing; I've been running around for a while now with my brain shut off and I'm ready to turn it back on. I need to write again, like I was in June. Those little brown notebooks worked wonders. I'm not sure if I'll be writing more on here because stream of consciousness seems to be my favorite method lately and typing makes me lose steam. It's all about pen on lined paper.

In fact, I'm going to do that now.

wood smoke

misty morning mountain air:

we rose early, groggy, coffee for all.

costumed around the table, dealing cards,

sweet cider from the night before still pounding in our heads,

the camera rolling for murder mysteries

of our own design.

blaze

lovely weekend, friday blur of silk city/homeslice/sugarmoms/barbary to lazy rocket cat morning and jb's afternoon, girly sleepovers and hiding from the storm, yard sales and circle thrift, and back to rocket cat again. (i seriously live here)

tonight i want to cook. curry? samosas? summer quinoa salad? mmm.

these are the colors in the tie dye dress i'm wearing: 

(from ryan mcginley's moonmilk series)

recent inspiration

paz lenchantin, argentinian born bassist of the entrance band. beautiful, soulful, mesmerizing. 

charles r. jackson's the lost weekend. this is a still from the movie, but it's the book that got me- what an account of alcoholic desperation, loneliness, creative desire and failure. 

kerouac. always inspirational, but currently desolation angels is really getting to me. his urgent tangled prose and wild existential declarations stir up dormant nomadic desires.

others: 

evasion. hate it, love it, but somewhere among the protagonist's affected rejection of all things capitalistic i feel a connection to that lack of interest in the traditional life path. i can feel myself helplessly journeying farther into "career" and can't seem to remember when that first decision was made. [in the same thought i know it's no accident; only i have put myself here and only i can make a change]. i don't think this is negativity in the present, no, it's more of a desire to move out of this stasis into variety and creativity.

dominion. i'm not sure if i've gotten into veganism on this blog yet, but i'm sure if you've seen me lately it's been discussed. this book was one of the things that nudged me into making the decision to live more compassionately. human consumption of resources has become so harmful; our mass existence on this earth is destructive beyond my comprehension. veganism's inherent simplicity and care feels so right for me; the beauty in cooking with natural, fresh, animal-product free foods is constantly exciting, more than any engineered, processed concoction will ever be. [don't knock it till you've tried it. come over and i'll cook you dinner!]

sisters.

oh youth.

this weekend was all i could have wanted: 

live music, parties, flea markets, beautiful weather and starry city rooftops. 

i'm so content. 

white lips kissed

anja for vogue nippon 

(src beautiful people)

i have been all over the place recently; inspiration isn't lacking but time certainly is! maybe when i get used to my new schedule i'll be able to fit in blogging. 

till then... xoxo.