Tuesday, August 31, 2010

she'd been going to the same restaurant for years; every monday afternoon, she'd walk down from her third floor walkup, around the block, and get a table by herself. after ordering the requisite coffee, she would pull out her brown notebook and begin to write. usually, there were many observations to be made: the aging couple in the corner always had an interesting argument, often about the kids, the cat, the garbage. it was generally commonplace, because they'd been having the same conversation for years, but it made for good type.

the bickering could go on for days, because it never had a beginning or an end. they'd been together for so long that their interactions centered on a general dissatisfaction with life; it was nothing to do with each other, really, but every disappointment that they'd ever endured was now let out on their spouse, because they knew nothing else.

there were other regulars: the ancient bearded man that sat at the counter and ordered a slice of apple pie with black coffee, the plump woman that brought in various friends to taste her favorite pastries, the after school crowd looking for donuts and handouts; she knew them all.

the personal interaction was her fuel; the server seemed flustered but friendly, so her writing centered around that woman's background: why is she waiting tables? is she in school, paying her way until graduation? is she supporting a child, paying for preschool until that deadbeat father gets his life together? is she in the middle of a twenties crisis, post grad but pre adulthood?

too deep, she thought. just wanted to write about prepubescent wayward middle school youngsters, or nonsensical septennial altercations, but this had resulted in self reflection. so it went, as a regular, because you could never separate yourself from the others that shared your space.




Monday, August 30, 2010


eventually my hair will look like a combination of these
(img src google "lou doillon)

Sunday, August 29, 2010

hide yr husband


i don't care how many times you've seen this, it's priceless.
(i think i'm up to 20)
my thighs, pouring sweat, stuck to the hot leather of his passenger seat, but i couldn't imagine sitting anywhere else. we sat at the end of his cul-de-sac, nowhere to go to escape the heat, slowly smoking cigarettes and drinking vodka iced tea. i forced myself to adopt a nonchalance that belied my excitement, attempting to match his level of cool. he wore dark glasses, of course, which made it even more difficult to ascertain his thoughts, already so impossible to read.
the neon lights reminded me of a past existence, which may have been in the future; we were standing on top of a neolithic skyscraper made of bare stone. civilizations were falling around us but somehow the party went on.
"What about little microphones? What if everyone swallowed them, and they played the sounds of our hearts through little speakers, which could be in the pouches of our overalls? When you skateboarded down the street at night you could hear everyone's heartbeat, and they could hear yours, sort of like sonar. One weird thing is, I wonder if everyone's hearts would start to beat at the same time, like how women who live together have their menstrual periods at the same time, which I know about, but don't really want to know about. That would be so weird, except that the place in the hospital where babies are born would sound like a crystal chandelier in a houseboat, because the babies wouldn't have had time to match up their heartbeats yet. And at the finish line at the end of the New York City Marathon it would sound like war."


"Humans are the only animal that blushes, laughs, has religion, wages war, and kisses with lips. So in a way, the more you kiss with lips, the more human you are. And the more you wage war."

"I felt suddenly shy. I was not used to shy. I was used to shame. Shyness is when you turn your head away from something you want. Shame is when you turn your head away from something you do not want."


-favorite quotes from extemely loud and incredibly close, by jonathan safran foer.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

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i think i want one of these as a pet.
(thanks signe)
boyfriend//birthday.

anti-nostalgia 8.25.10

i walked briskly through misting rain to the chapel's door. around me, couples huddled under black umbrellas, suits and heels signifying their wedding attendance. inside the foyer were countless familiar faces from years past, practically forgotten, memories gone extinct in an effort to erase certain lifestyle decisions. youth group leaders, worship team members, babysitters, "aunts and uncles", classmates, shared experiences. i said hello to a few, smiled at most, nodded at others. it was easier that way, uncomplicated. i didn't want to tell the same story fifty times. annie said, "i'm glad you're coming with me, because we're both outsiders". it's funny, because i'm one of the originals, but she's totally right. i'm not a part of that anymore.

emerging adulthood



so, it's true; we are not children, not yet adults.
i knew that already.

(photo- luke chrissenger, taken by yours truly.)


Saturday, August 21, 2010

it was erin's birthday!

Thursday, August 19, 2010




gorgeous.

airport thoughts 08.19.10

arms sore from lugging vintage luggage (who wants to be seen with a rolling suitcase?)

yes, bartender at phl chickie and pete's- i would like a beer at 12:30, and yes, i am wearing too many silly bands.

docs with shorts look amazing, but in sweltering heat feel like lead weights.

traveling makes it easy to spend money like it doesn't matter- maybe it's the discomfort of waiting, walking, waiting, sitting, walking some more; i feel like i should reward myself, or treat myself, because it's all unusual and slightly annoying. or, maybe, i buy treats because the experience is exciting.. "i'm on vacation", etc.

i can't wait to be in peaceful, beautiful new hampshire.




Monday, August 16, 2010

unknown date: found in old notebook
for my roman roommates, a stream of consciousness account of inside jokes and memories.

"so missing rome.. the tangible, painful aspect of leaving has slightly faded, though the time contrast lives on. i'm almost back to us time, finally. i wish i wasn't. i was so homesick on sunday, for arcioni... i miss the free buses, the cobblestones, the wine lady on quattro venti, tapping mac, andy but really everyone, fish n chips, even francesco, difts, scholars, no hot water, the moka, pasta every night, spicy sauce, meeting at the colosseum, the maids, acrobat protectors, smoking on the balcony, big star, marcello, whiskey coke, dance parties while getting ready, blue steel face in the bathroom mirror, losing my keys, vino, olive oil, archi bar, the studio, visiting friends, ryanair, weekend travels, dovè??, allora, prego, non ló so, maan, basta!, "i don't even care!", TAXI, "i can't get up..." "she can't get up!!!!!", "it's a video!!", groovy, street chicas, that guy you know? god?, arguing, passing out in my clothes, drunk food cooking, gauloises, not studying, waterfall in the kitchen, mary jo college nights, wine night?!?!?!, skype dates, phone cards, peroni, stella!, guinness!, nastro azzurro, italian 40's, the irish, leg humping, total eclipse of the heart, flashdance!, "i love dj's.." "i love you too!", worthful, 2007, being broke, borrowing money, passport stamps, water taxi!, "michelle's going to murder me!", "give me a break, courtney", hungry harry's, st. christophers, v&a, eiffel in the rain, eating greek food in paris, venice fish, sangria, walking for 15 years, the broken foot, ben canada, phone number tattoos, elena, the other francesco, mark, don pepe (?!?), blood red shoes, heatwaves, johny price, supermarket, nic, radio cafe, circolo degli artisti, "i fell, let's go...", "i broke my arm!!!", "keri doesn't care about me!", "you're only saying that because you know we won't!", big bang, testacchio, coyote, porta portese, the 710, 75, 44... 40N?, climbing over guardrails, the 8 tram, losing everything, getting lost, "do you like your life?", "va fancula!", not being a study major, ancient roman dinner party, "the nutcake", thanksgiving, the bird in the hat, notes on the fridge, wine in mugs, parm on everything, nutella, gelato, the trevi, that tuesday night (vino alla panteon e scalinata), JUSTICE, happy hour at finn mccool's, spilling wine in my bag/dumping it out/getting kicked off the bus, THAI!, salutè, ssseriously, hash, barbeque, the barco naumon, almost getting arrested in london, ghetto the gay club, stairs in your hair, baby romulus, yawn, antoinella: "scandalous!" "my students want to see me naked!", naked spanish man cannonball, sleepovers, zoo bar, sleeping on the beach, squid ink paella, tapas, street performers, two pound pints, that meat shop with sandwiches, the coffee machine, going low, "look in the mirror! you're an embarrassment!", carrying around sugar, piazza venezia, corso, san lorenzo, trastevere, sitting at the bar and not drinking, the secret orange garden, tiber island, being sharked, transit strikes, termini, fiumicino, ciampino, "how are we going to get a taxi if we're walking on the sidewalk?", "justyne, why are you dancing like that?" "i'm too drunk", 'crowdsurfing', gropey guys, red bull vodka, circolo's gardens, "my friend here is in love with you", "i have to go, my girlfriend is going to see us", leather jackets, "compliment for american student!", thai steps, big star steps, audrey graffiti, cig machines, night buses, the pyramid, circus maximus, catacombs, the vatican, "did you meet the pope?", scented rosaries, gypsies, the roman forum, on the rox/going in the men's/breaking a glass/getting sick, the infamous courtney night, big star strength drinks, boxed wine, jameson tasting/graduating whiskey school, il bar, la trattoria, corneto, CONTROL: "well, you know what ian curtis did before he left for america", "but christmas time is supposed to be a happy time!", overdrawn bank accounts, end of the golden age, villa pamphili, carini, fratelli bonnet, dirty kitchen, borrowing milk, first class flights/mimosas/socks!, broken shoe heel, carrying/being carried home, beer for the road, mtv italia, alluc, arcioni 3: the band photoshoot, "i feel like i'm not even here", tiny elevators, buzzing up, ciao bella!, that lady on the first floor, leaks downstairs, leaving the gas on, eggies, dove pizza?, the flowerpot at scholars, 24 shots, car bombs, phillies games, singalongs, that bartender, "there's a hole in my shoe!", "do you really enjoy this torture?", "I FEEL TRAPPED", "i'm going to have to follow you around!", drip drying, 5:09?, roman holiday, ikea trip.. psyche, breaking all the dishes, taking bar glasses, drying laundry on the furniture, vibrating washer, screaming, laughing constantly, not sending postcards, damè cinque, mental breakdowns, all day hangovers, cold floors, hair burning, flavian curls, bidet hair washer?, the philly visit, the british girls, grandma dovè, ciao ragazze, ti amo, there's poetry in a guinness, some people prefer jameson, drew wheeler, "liar!", canadese, capitoline museums, cinadus=girly man, the overlook, the taxi to nowhere, "that dude looks like my grandmother", when in rome, "i love taxis", make up/break up/dress up, italian class trip to the club, getting the flu, la farmacia, sidis, jus running out of circolo, riding the tide, remember when...., annika, bad news, "it was like my ipod shuffle", not going to milan or brussels or florence, wine tour, tuscany, cinderella wine, homemade pasta, the italian george clooney, broken bus, anxiety, "why are we walking? we could be sitting at home instead!!!", AS ROMA, RIP my black clutch/grey scarf/ wallet/ mirror/ single earring/ court's umbrella/ my umbrella/ blue sweater, oil and vinegar, panini, cappucini, crik-crok, snack friends, chips in london, "world famous", mapsen, not going to campo, notte bianca, "skip the trevi, have a bevy", bus a metano, vittorio emanuelle, no bagels in the jewish ghetto, superbad, "fidi, they're craaaazy", "brendan, i love youuuuu", "remember when we knocked this down?", "i don't want you to leave, i don't want you to leave", limoncello shots, the lazy susan table, glass noodles, cucumbers & peanut sauce, fights at coyote, "over the rainbow, so high", tiziano ferro, centerfuse in the big star bathroom, "i want to be able to stand up tonight", marco, ideal bar, flower stands on the street, sidewalk gas stations, smart cars, no stopping at red lights, vespa rides....."

Repost: Written October 15, 2006


Summer. Dartmouth Co-op. Mainly just Dan and I.

"This guy, ok, he's visiting all the Ivy leagues- trying to at least. He asks us where they all are. Whoa, ok, we don't really know. There's a scuffle over where exactly Penn was- yeah, I got it wrong. Lame, considering it ends up being in Philly, where I go to school. So here we are afterwards, like, way to not know where they all are. I pull out a sharpie and a scrap of paper, you know, neatly write down the Ivies and their locations. One twist though- after Dartmouth I write Hanover, VT.
See, there's this kid at work, Dartmouth student, real smart. Intellectual and all that. Great guy, really, but he's got more than a touch of the Dartmouth elitist attitude. So here I am with Hanover, VT. Thought the guy would see it up on the tack board, mention it, you know, 'Hey, who wrote this? You got the Dartmouth location wrong!" It wasn't going to be a big deal- I'd say I made a mistake or something, small joke, ('Oops! Oh, that's right, NH') and move on. Maybe tops we'd game him for a little bit, I could be be a little more confused, who knows. Small time stuff only.

The plan changes when this kid notices the sign. I happen to be off work this day and my buddy Dan's working. They're upstairs when this kid's like, 'Whaaaat? Dartmouth, Vermont? Does she realize she got it wrong?' Dan rolls with it, you know, 'Yeah, I don't think she knows. I didn't want to tell her when she was making the sign- you should ask her about it.' Perfect.

So there I am, next time I'm working with the kid, he brings it up. 'Keri, did you realize you messed up on your list of the Ivy Leagues?' He's smiling, thinks it's a joke. Oh no, man. I'm like, 'What? Which one? I thought I double-checked them all.' Still smiling. 'Actually, Dartmouth is wrong. You said it's in Vermont.' Here's where it gets good. I act completely straight, Dan too. Oh, no, it's in Vermont. Sure, yeah, Lebanon's in New Hampshire, but Hanover's Vermont. You know, with Norwich, cause they all go to the same high school. I mean, we're right next to New Hampshire, sure. I know I don't LIVE in Vermont, that's crazy.

Dan pulls the "Yeah, I know where we are but it's not really that crazy that she's confused. I mean, Vermont is RIGHT THERE, you know?"
Oh, lord, he argues. He pulls out a map, shows me the Connecticut River, how it separates the states. Points out the tee shirts we sell that say Hanover, NH. ('Oh, I never noticed that!') He's so incredulous- stunned, really. 'But you've lived in this area your whole life? Your parents went here? How can you not know? This must be SUCH a shock to you.'

I get so confused, defensive, embarrassed. All 'I can't even handle this. How could I have not realized?', while Dan's still, 'Keri, it's ok. I mean, Vermont is RIGHT THERE. Don't feel so bad about it.' I pull down the sign- guess I have to change it, huh. Wow, and I double-checked all the schools and everything.

Customers are listening to the whole thing. One guy's like, 'She's lived here her whole life?' Then to me, 'Haven't you ever written a LETTER?' I say something like, oh, no, I've never lived in Hanover. I know I live in New Hampshire.

Ok, so after ages of this, the kid gets off work and goes downstairs. Dan and I FLIP. I'm laughing so hard I tear up- really can't believe what just happened. Jared comes upstairs- he just missed it. We're talking over one another, stumbling over words, "It was AMAZING! Completely BRILLIANT!! We were so straight, playing off one another, he fell for it, what just happened? Oh my god." Jared's like, "Oh MAN, I know, he came downstairs and was all, 'Keri must be in such shock right now. She just found out that Hanover's not in Vermont. She seriously believed it was. And she's lived here her whole life!'"

All right, out of control. He'll never know we were gaming him cause he'll blatantly think I'm trying to cover up for my stupidity. Sick, right?
"

fictionalized true story

repost: written november 3, 2006

"all the world's a stage (dive)"

opening night. empty stomach. nerves. late.

makeup. half of costume.
jokes. banter. rehearsal.

"on in five"
red bull. rest of costume. second red bull. nerves. music.

backstage. darkness. stumble.

lights. line line dance line laugh line. off.
tiptoe. relax.

banter. tales. adventures.
intermission.

breathe. change. empty stomach. nerves.
cold wind. shaky.

backstage. glass in hand. on!

laugh laugh flirt line smile line frown. leave indignantly.

over. breathe. greet. clean. collapse.

throwback- found recently from abandoned myspace blog

"scene:
backed up taillights extending into the dark. closer now, flashing lights. closer still: the car, driver's windshield smashed into the vehicle, the surrounding shards of glass flashing in response. there- a black hat, stranded in the middle of the intersection. i walk by it, close, too close. and there- a solitary red sneaker much farther down the road, by the wreck of a car. it holds my gaze in a magnetic pull of disbelief. that sneaker. punctuation at the end of a story. a question mark perhaps. ellipses? there may be a continuation. at the moment, though, it's a period stopping an incomplete sentence. abrupt, final. my chest tightens and i fight the urge to stop movement in an attempt to stifle all other emotion. my coping mechanism changes and i walk as fast as possible down the sidewalk away, until even my peripheral vision can't see the lights."


i wrote this in december 2006. i can still picture every aspect of this horrifying accident.

Friday, August 13, 2010

AHH STOP IT

post acid


throwback/updated.
shades of blink 182. i just wanna be this young forever.

i wish my hair wasn't too damaged to do this.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

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I LOVE THIS

Thursday, August 5, 2010



white hinterland.


million young.
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getting birthday stoked. this is real dumb/cute.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

yarnbombz

Monday, August 2, 2010

Seyðisfjörður

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via yvan rodic. i don't know if this is just for a fashion shoot, but whatever- it's amazing
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major clothing inspiration- late summer early fall