"This guy, ok, he's visiting all the Ivy leagues- trying to at least. He asks us where they all are. Whoa, ok, we don't really know. There's a scuffle over where exactly Penn was- yeah, I got it wrong. Lame, considering it ends up being in Philly, where I go to school. So here we are afterwards, like, way to not know where they all are. I pull out a sharpie and a scrap of paper, you know, neatly write down the Ivies and their locations. One twist though- after Dartmouth I write Hanover, VT.
See, there's this kid at work, Dartmouth student, real smart. Intellectual and all that. Great guy, really, but he's got more than a touch of the Dartmouth elitist attitude. So here I am with Hanover, VT. Thought the guy would see it up on the tack board, mention it, you know, 'Hey, who wrote this? You got the Dartmouth location wrong!" It wasn't going to be a big deal- I'd say I made a mistake or something, small joke, ('Oops! Oh, that's right, NH') and move on. Maybe tops we'd game him for a little bit, I could be be a little more confused, who knows. Small time stuff only.
The plan changes when this kid notices the sign. I happen to be off work this day and my buddy Dan's working. They're upstairs when this kid's like, 'Whaaaat? Dartmouth, Vermont? Does she realize she got it wrong?' Dan rolls with it, you know, 'Yeah, I don't think she knows. I didn't want to tell her when she was making the sign- you should ask her about it.' Perfect.
So there I am, next time I'm working with the kid, he brings it up. 'Keri, did you realize you messed up on your list of the Ivy Leagues?' He's smiling, thinks it's a joke. Oh no, man. I'm like, 'What? Which one? I thought I double-checked them all.' Still smiling. 'Actually, Dartmouth is wrong. You said it's in Vermont.' Here's where it gets good. I act completely straight, Dan too. Oh, no, it's in Vermont. Sure, yeah, Lebanon's in New Hampshire, but Hanover's Vermont. You know, with Norwich, cause they all go to the same high school. I mean, we're right next to New Hampshire, sure. I know I don't LIVE in Vermont, that's crazy.
Dan pulls the "Yeah, I know where we are but it's not really that crazy that she's confused. I mean, Vermont is RIGHT THERE, you know?"
Oh, lord, he argues. He pulls out a map, shows me the Connecticut River, how it separates the states. Points out the tee shirts we sell that say Hanover, NH. ('Oh, I never noticed that!') He's so incredulous- stunned, really. 'But you've lived in this area your whole life? Your parents went here? How can you not know? This must be SUCH a shock to you.'
I get so confused, defensive, embarrassed. All 'I can't even handle this. How could I have not realized?', while Dan's still, 'Keri, it's ok. I mean, Vermont is RIGHT THERE. Don't feel so bad about it.' I pull down the sign- guess I have to change it, huh. Wow, and I double-checked all the schools and everything.
Customers are listening to the whole thing. One guy's like, 'She's lived here her whole life?' Then to me, 'Haven't you ever written a LETTER?' I say something like, oh, no, I've never lived in Hanover. I know I live in New Hampshire.
Ok, so after ages of this, the kid gets off work and goes downstairs. Dan and I FLIP. I'm laughing so hard I tear up- really can't believe what just happened. Jared comes upstairs- he just missed it. We're talking over one another, stumbling over words, "It was AMAZING! Completely BRILLIANT!! We were so straight, playing off one another, he fell for it, what just happened? Oh my god." Jared's like, "Oh MAN, I know, he came downstairs and was all, 'Keri must be in such shock right now. She just found out that Hanover's not in Vermont. She seriously believed it was. And she's lived here her whole life!'"
All right, out of control. He'll never know we were gaming him cause he'll blatantly think I'm trying to cover up for my stupidity. Sick, right?
"
fictionalized true story
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