omg i'm banging on the door and he isnt answering this is the worst
bud tips tonight she comin
hahaha tolerance is a bitch
and he slammed my head into a sidewalk
did a weird like take acid fall asleep go back out thing
i need to decompress
either way it's a great idea
nah she seen you naked before
boyz amirite
invite everyone
phoenix later
yeah dude i just want you to make informed choices
omg
start naked
Thursday, December 17, 2015
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Friday, July 17, 2015
Thursday, July 16, 2015
Saturday, July 11, 2015
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
I love you but I'm leaving (5.31.15 & 6.15.15)
Humid procrastination begets lack of sleep without productivity begets heavy shoulders, a neck that cannot support weight. A large pit has formed however that threatens to be crippling; centered in my racing gut I feel dichotomous pangs. Each spike of excitement is matched with a fear of the unknown, emotions high despite rational knowledge that the right decisions are being made. Tears occur. He's asleep.
---
leading up to that goodbye moment many things felt confusing or debatable but nothing actually felt wrong, save the night before when we wept. there were moments of sadness, difficulty, sure; still a desire to follow up on a "plan" that originally seemed like an offhand idea, something that i felt others may have doubted, steeled me towards resolve. that in addition to the fact that in the past, relatively miniscule things blocked me from experience; relationships that in hindsight were unremarkable felt like a reason to stay, to continue being comfortable. once i had achieved my goal of reaching this destination i felt proud of following through, but nothing about the goodbye felt ok or right, it felt like self inflicted punishment, and i crumpled on the stoop.
---
leading up to that goodbye moment many things felt confusing or debatable but nothing actually felt wrong, save the night before when we wept. there were moments of sadness, difficulty, sure; still a desire to follow up on a "plan" that originally seemed like an offhand idea, something that i felt others may have doubted, steeled me towards resolve. that in addition to the fact that in the past, relatively miniscule things blocked me from experience; relationships that in hindsight were unremarkable felt like a reason to stay, to continue being comfortable. once i had achieved my goal of reaching this destination i felt proud of following through, but nothing about the goodbye felt ok or right, it felt like self inflicted punishment, and i crumpled on the stoop.
6 16 15
just a documentation of sweet moments from the few past days
including
a lot of solitude and exploration
interspersed with new friends and faces that were never then friends but now are
homemade tofu tacos with grapefruit mezcal, chili rim
vegetarian community dinner and dogs smiled widely as the band played
nude in a pool, water so balmy
a familiar face or two at the least expected moment
big bed lounging, not alone, rain and radio to be heard
gingeroo in a glass, spicy, with spliff, housemate writing music for hours, a full comic book read
new dream wheels adding comfort and confidence
maternal conversation while biking (safe?)
and tomorrow a whole new home base-
gaining confidence in my ability to adapt to change
including
a lot of solitude and exploration
interspersed with new friends and faces that were never then friends but now are
homemade tofu tacos with grapefruit mezcal, chili rim
vegetarian community dinner and dogs smiled widely as the band played
nude in a pool, water so balmy
a familiar face or two at the least expected moment
big bed lounging, not alone, rain and radio to be heard
gingeroo in a glass, spicy, with spliff, housemate writing music for hours, a full comic book read
new dream wheels adding comfort and confidence
maternal conversation while biking (safe?)
and tomorrow a whole new home base-
gaining confidence in my ability to adapt to change
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